Infidelity

In both of the plays I mentioned in my last entry -- Fifty Words by Michael Weller and Fault Lines by Stephen Belber -- a major crisis erupts in response to an actual or possible act of infidelity. In both cases, the marriages in question are either destroyed or irreparably damaged by the disclosure. For that matter, infidelity is the major marital crisis explored in many plays, movies, and TV shows. Beyond that, we probably all know people whose marriage or relationship ended when one of the partners was discovered to have had sex with somebody else. Now, indulge me in an exercise in fantasy and imagine a world in which the fact that most people (or, at least, many, many people) are incapable of complete fidelity were acknowledged--as well as the fact that sex becomes a decreasingly important aspect of many if not most marriages as time goes by despite the fact that by most other measures these marriages may be very solid and nurturing. Imagine further that people understood and accepted the “biological” aspect of sexuality--that is, the drive to be fulfilled sexually or to experience the release of orgasm--and had tacit permission to go outside the marriage on occasion to seek that fulfillment. Imagine finally that these outside excursions in no way damaged the marriage.

All of what I describe is at play in many marriages--except the part where spouses have tacit permission to go outside. I read a book called Open Marriages back in the early seventies that made the case for relationships that were more open-minded when it came to sex. I don’t remember the details of the book--it may well have been proposing arrangements I might find objectionable--but the central notion of the book has stayed with me all these years. I also see around me the example of many successful gay relationships (and “marriages” by whatever name) in which there is less of an expectation that the partners will be exclusive all of the time. 

In my play, “Conquests and Migrations” (the latest working title for a work in progress), I envision a future in which spouses have a much more fluid notion about the role that sex plays in their marriage. This occurs after the characters in this fantasy play have “evolved” through other periods in which--in succession--wives are simply used sexually whenever their grunting husbands need to get off; the very notion that a wife has had thoughts about another man is enough to cause the husband to lash out violently; and the discovery of a wife’s (or husband’s) affair leads automatically to divorce. The more enlightened future I envision can’t possibly last, can it? Well, stay tuned--I’m in the process of sorting that out right now.

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Ciao